I just thought "not" was bad...

Not isn't bad at all, gone is.

Gone is so sad.

It leaves me empty....it leaves the house empty.

That's what you are....gone.

And you aren't coming back.

I know it, I feel it...

I know you are through.

I thought I was ready, I thought I was strong.

I was so in denial, and totally blind.

Gone.

Alone.

Sad.

And not in love with me anymore.

"I just thought 'not' was bad"

Not

Not is such a strong word

it's almost like over

it's worse than done

it cuts like a knife

it burns to my core

Not

It's like you can't

you won't

you don't and that's even worse

Not

I wish it wasn't in my vocabulary.

I almost can't handle it...especially coming from you.

Now I know how you felt when you heard it from me.

Me

Life is coming together slowly but surely
I should have expected bumps
I should have expected mountains
Sometimes I can get carried away
I forget about everyone else
I used to be so very loud
But now I'm learning to be quiet
I enjoy my time alone
I enjoy precious moments
I enjoy a beautiful day
I cherish time with my daughter
I think I might think of myself as a woman now....
And that thought is scary

Looking Deep

There comes a time when you have to step back.

You realize it's not everyone else in the world that matters,

but it's yourself that needs work.

Rest and relaxation, peace and tranquility,

being at peace with yourself, spending time alone.

Processing your thoughts,

putting your life back together piece by piece and bit by bit.

No one can do it for you, no one can fix it all.

It's all me.

I need to do better.

I need to be more positive.

I need my life back

....now.

Soul-searching

Doing a little soul-searching
finding a little bad
focusing on the good in life
and changing all I had

Trying to be more positive
striving to be kind
letting the little things go
and leaving them far behind

Yesterday's already gone
and tomorrow's almost here
today is going by really fast
and you never know what's near

My glass used to be half-empty
and now it's half full again
I used to live for days and nights
but now it's the moments and times I had.

A chance to rest

Life has been crazy

And sometimes my shoulders are heavy

The world, crashes down

And I can't be steady

Sometimes I cry

I want to scream

Sometimes I write

But mostly I dream

I want to run away

To a beautiful place

A really peaceful haven

With no one in my face

I want things to be better

I want less stress

I need a sunny day

And a chance to rest

I want to be home

I want to be home

I want to watch you grow

watch you learn and teach you more.

When I'm at work

my heart is at home

I worry if you are missing me

or feeling alone.

I miss your eyes and smile

your "pooh" bear and sippy too

I even miss changing you

when you have an accident too.

I love reading to you

and teaching you letters and numbers,

shapes and colors,

body parts and bible sotries.

We paint our "pretties"

and color pictures,

sing our favorite songs,

and laugh so silly.

If i have the chance

I'm going to be home more.

I want to be the one to

take care of you more.

Emmy's Bday Poem

Where has the time gone

It seems like yesterday

When I first held you in my arms.

All the bottles, pacifiers, and blankets are gone.

Hopefully, diapers will be quick to follow.

I've watched you grow from tiny to small-

first you held your head up, crawled, pulled up, then walked.

Now you run everywhere

with no time to rest.

You constantly learn and speak more each day.

We couldn't have picked a better name

Emmy it fits.

You're about to turn two

and this mommy isn't ready.

Not ready for complete potty-trained,

preschool or friends

Not ready for full sentences

or evening activities.

But the time is here

And I'm about to face it all.

And then I remember....

Emmy's still pretty small.

Close to Me

I know this is the right path; the right way for me.

I feel your approval, my new found strength, courage, and your watch keep.

Even as I tire, stress, or stumble and fall, you pick me up, dust me off, hold me near, and teach me to crawl.

Close to me, you are always close.

And when I call on you in prayer, you are there.

Even in my deepest fear, you are wonderful cause you are near.

Walking Through Life

As we walk through life
so many things change
Our lives take on new meanings
And the path looks so strange

It twists and turns
There's bumps and ridges
There are mountains to climb, water to cross
And not many bridges

You do things you never thought you'd do
And say things you never thought you'd say

But there's one thing through all this that always stays the same
Our wonderful God who created everything big and small
Who loves us unconditionally and saves us from hell and shame

I Need You In Every Way

You are a breath of fresh air

From the stress

From the busyness

Life is sometimes so unfair

You help pick up the pieces

And put me back together

You carry me through the flames

As if I were light as a feather

If I can't breathe or get the words out

You speak to my heart

Answer my prayers

And take away my doubt

You prove your power and grace

Every single Day

I love you, Praise and Worship you

And need you in every way.

Doubts

If we could see inside the heart

Of the one we love the most,

Would we have the biggest part,

Or would another's ghost.

Behold, what love he has for me,

Hidden in that secret place,

But, no, now I can see,

His lover wears not my face.

Another has taken my place in his heart,

Or was it ever mine,

Now we will always be apart,

For his love will I ever pine.

By: My mom

Diane Jennings

Thoughts

Yesterday is gone

Today not far behind

All become one

In the pages of our mind

Life is but a moment

Written in the book of time

If we could only stop it

If life would only rhyme

Loving is a dream

A gentle, sweet caress

But it is what it seems

Is it more....or less?

By: My mom
Diane Jennings

The Flower

A beautiful thing is the flower.

A wonder to behold.

The many colors did nature shower,

It's petals to unfold.

In cool of morn, it's buds unfurl,

In promise of beauty foretold,

Blossoms open to tell the world,

Of exotic perfumes untold.

In dark of night on breezes waft.

The scents of time immortal.
Fragrances that drift so soft,

Through window, door, and portal.

By: My mom

Diane Jennings

5-24-84

Friends or lovers.
Which will last longest,
In the end,
One must be strongest.

By: My mom
Diane Jennings

Mysteries

Years...gone in moments.

Seconds that seem like years.

Life...gone in one last breath.

Birth....a joyous beginning.

Dim light, but is it dawn or dusk?

Darkness, but somewhere there is light.

Sunlight, but darkness waits to take over.

Stars....how many?

Can they even be counted?

Footprints, no one in sight.

Who has gone before?

Alone, or do the shadows move?

Love or hate, who can tell?

Alive, but for how long?

Dead, but does death last forever?

Words on paper, will anyone ever read them?

Eternity, how long does it last?

Such are the mysteries of life.

By: My mom, Diane Jennings

Coming Home....

How simple my life is now you are here,

How I cherish each breath,

How I crave the light and laughter you have brought me.

I have fallen in love without taking a step,

Fallen into the sweetest of dreams,

How I hope no one wakes me.

The simplest gestures wraps itself around me heart,

Where I will hold it forever.

Each time we say goodbye a part of me weeps,

Though I know it is not forever

To my aching soul it is an eternity.

I see my happiness shine in your eyes,

Every time you hold my hand my heart skips a beat.

How sweet life is to be yours;

How meaningless life is without you.

They know nothing of the loneliness before you

Nothing of the empty tears I cried day after day,

How did you do it, I ask myself,

How did you banish the fear, the darkness?

You have made me see that nothing is that bad,

That I am strong and worthy of happiness,

You have saved me from myself.

Every day I wake up and smile to myself

Knowing you are waiting for me,

Knowing you can't wait to see me.

How would I go on if you were not there to hold me up,

To bless me with your love and light?

How I am glad you have found me

My life is now complete...

I am home.

All of this to me

You're the thought that starts each morning,

The conclusion to each day.

You are in all I do,

And everything I say.

You're the smile on my face,

The twinkle in my eye.

The warmth inside my heart,

The fullness in my life.

You're the hand that's laced in mine,

And the coat upon my back.

My friend, My love,

My shoulder to lean on.

You're my silly, mature, caring,

Thoughtful, bright, and honest guy.

The one who holds me tightly,

When I need to cry.

You're the dimple in my cheek,

The ever-constant tingle in my soul.

The voice that makes me weak,

The happiness of my life.

You are all I've wanted,

You are all I need.

You are all I've dreamed of,

You are all of this to me.

You and I

You and I are connected
in a way that goes beyond romance,
beyond friendship,
beyond what we've ever had before.
It has defied time, distance,
and changes in ourselves
and in our lives.
It has defied every explanation.
Except one;
Pure and simply, we're soul mates.

I can't explain, I just feel it.
It's there in the way my spirits lift
whenever we talk.
The sound of your voice brings me home,
in a way I can't explain.
It's in the delight I feel, when we laugh
at exactly the same things.
When I'm with you,
it's like a tiny piece of the universe
shifts into place.
A place it's supposed to be,
and all is right with the world.

These things and so many more,
have made me understand
that this is a once in a lifetime,
forever connection.
A connection that could only exist between you and me.
And deep in my soul,
I know that our relationship
is a rare gift.
One that brings us
extraordinary happiness
all through our lives.

Beauty

Your lips, your eyes, your soul

Are like a work of art,

The most creative thing of all

Is your beautiful heart.

If you were a painting,

No colors could express

The beauty deep inside you,

A rainbow, nothing less.

If you were a sculpture

The clay could hardly make

Your figure of an angel

Without one mistake.

If you were a euphony

No choir could really sing

All the beautiful music

Your eyes could possibly bring.

So here I am, and artist,

With inspiration beyond belief

But to capture such rare beauty,

I'd have to be a thief.

From now until forever

I've never known a love like yours

Nor thought it could be true,

But every time I kiss your lips

I feel what love can do

With hair like silk

And lips so tender,

Each moment with you

Makes my heart surrender

I couldn't live, I couldn't breathe

Without you by my side,

Never will I let you go,

My love will never hide

And in my heart you'll always be

From now until forever,

No matter what, no matter where

We'll always be together

A love like no other

I never felt a love
Like this before
It's a love like no other
Something I have always hoped for

A love with friendship
Humor and heart
A bond so strong
It would never part

A love that makes you smile
From ear to ear
A love that is joyful
Without any fear

A love that is beautiful
From the inside out
A love with no tears,
Pain, or doubt

A love with soul
So tender and true
A love that I have found
Only in you

You came into my life unexpectedly,
and everything took a turn for the better.
Your warm eyes, your laugh,
the sincere way you speak,
and the kindness you showed me,
all became a part of my life.

As you unfolded yourself to me,
I discovered more and more beauty.
I have never seen so much
gentleness in one person.
Without even knowing it,
you were slowly making a place
for yourself in my heart.

It used to seem so hard at times
to feel so close in a relationship.
But it's so easy to feel close to you.
I can't tell you how nice that feels.
I realize now that I had never known
what it meant to be loved
until I was loved by you.

Feelings

As I wake by your side,

My feelings for you I cannot hide.

I touch your face in the morning light,

Being with you just feels so right.

You make me feel like I'm a queen,

Like being inside an awesome dream.

Although this is real, that I know,

As the love that surrounds us continues to grow.

I think of what the future holds...

Marriage, children, us growing old,

And as I lay, with you dear,

I'm just so glad you're mine, you're here.

You are my forever love

Your friendship and love,

And all the wonderful things

That they bring into my life,

Are like nothing else

I have ever known.

My heart is complete

With the love we share,

And our love grows more

Beautiful each day.

I love you,

And as long as we are together,

I have everything I need.

You are with me always....

In a smile, a memory, a feeling

Or a moment we share.

You will always be

My Forever Love

Ready For Love

Take my hand and lead the way;
tell me all you want to say.
Whisper softly in my ear,
all those things I want to hear.
Kiss my lips and touch my skin;
bring out passions deep within.
Pull me close and hold me near;
take away my pain and fear.
In the darkness of the night,
be my beacon, shine your light.
In the brightness of the sun,
show me that you are the one.
Give me wings so I can fly;
for I can soar when you're nearby.
Enter my heart, break down the wall,
it's time for me to watch it fall.
I've been a prisoner, can't you see?
Break my chains and set me free.
Strip me of my armor tight;
you'll find I won't put up a fight.
Release my soul held deep within...
I'm ready now, let love begin.

"I hope this is completely true to you, because it is tue of your love to me"

Are you afraid of love?

Or are you just afraid of my love?

Please do not be frightened.

My love will not choke or bind you in any way.

It will bring you warmth when you are cold.

And companionship when you are lonely.

My love will bring smiles to brighten all your days

And understanding when you are sad.

It will not obligate you to come see me every day

Or to call me every night.

My love will give you all these things,

Asking only

That wherever you go

And whatever you do,

You will hold me in your heart-

Knowing that when you return,

I will be here, only to make you happy.

Grace that love gives

If I could live my life again,

Then, I would

Erase the pain and stain of sin

If I could.

I never knew

A man like you

Was waiting somewhere just for me.

Now the strength of your love,

Your true and pure love

Can set me free.

I didn't know

God loved me so;

I never dreamed, I never knew

That He had planned a man like you

For me to love.

I promise

I promise to give you the best of myself

and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to respect you as your own person

and to realize that your interests, desires and needs

are no less important than my own.

I promise to share with you my time and my

attention and to bring joy, strength, and imagination

to our relationship.

I promise to keep myself open to you,

to let you see through the window of my world

into my innermost fears and feelings,

secrets and dreams.

I promise to grow along with you,

to be willing to face changes in order to keep our

relationship alive and exciting.

I promise to love you in good times and bad,

with all I have to give and all I feel inside

in the only way I know how,

completely and forever.

The Dreamer

I am a dreamer,
a dreamer is all I can be.
I dream of so many things,
dreams that I wish were reality.

As I lay myself at night to sleep,
I pray to God the memories I keep.
As I gently close my eyes and relax,
I wish that I would dream of you.

I dream of you in so many ways,
a dream so beautiful, so real...
your arms around me while we kiss,
the feeling of true love with such bliss.

As I kept dreaming, I prayed....
"Lord, please make him mine someday!"
and as I kiss in my dream, my man said,
"I am yours.... and always will be!"

I woke up with tears in my eyes,
knowing it was all a dream.
As I turned to my right to wipe my tears, I smiled,
my heart just leaped and almost went wild.

Right next to me is an angel,
an angel in my dreams was my man.
The man I have longed, prayed, dreamed, and cried for,
the angel that I will love forevermore!

LOVE

Love is like the seeds of life,

To root is full of pain and strife.

But to grow it's like a great Oak tree,

Straight and strong for eternity.

Love is what I offer you,

Steadfast, calm, and oh, so true!

Love is life between two who shares,

A life between two who really cares.

Love is ours, if you agree,

To spend your life with me!

Just one wish

If I could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everyday

to the sound of your breath on my neck,

the warmth of your lips on my cheek,

the touch of your fingers on my skin,

and the feel of your heart beating with mine....

Knowing that I could never find that feeling

with anyone other than you.

Before i met you

Before I met you,
I thought I was happy,
and I was,
but I had never known
the rich contentment,
deep satisfaction,
and total fulfillment
you brought to me
when you came into my life.
Before I me you,
I felt a lot of things,
good things,
but I had never experienced
the indescribably intense
feelings I have for you.
Before I met you,
I thought I knew myself,
and I did,
but you looked deep inside me
and found fresh new things
for us to share.
Before I met you,
I thought I knew about love,
but I didn't,
until I met you.

Safe within our love

How did this miracle happen

That we're so very blessed,

So close.......and more contented,

Than I ever would have guessed.

I never thought that I

Could spend each precious minute

With just one special person

And find happiness within it.

I've learned so much from you

About loving, sharing, giving;

I know if I hadn't met you,

I wouldn't be really living.

We're facing life together;

We're handling joy and sorrow;

I'm glad you're on my side,

Whatever comes tomorrow.

You're my perfect partner,

Sweet lover, trusted friend.

We're safe within our love,

A love that will never end.

Because of you

Our love is the long lasting kind;

We've been together quite a while.

I love you for so many things,

Your voice, your touch, your kiss, your smile.

You accept me as I am;

I can relax and just be me.

Even when my quirks come out,

You think they're cute; you let me be.

With you, there's nothing to resist;

Your irresistible to me.
I'm drawn to you in total trust;

I give myself to you willingly.

Your sweet devotion never fails;

You view me with a patient heart.

You love me, dear, no matter what.

You've been that way right from the start.

Those are just a few reasons why

I'll always love you like I do.

We'll have a lifetime full of love,

And it will happen because of you.

Dreams Have Come True

How could anyone ever know,
The sweet dreams that I dreamt as a youth,
Could blossom and focus and grow,
Until now they'd turn up as a truth.
A truth filled with blessing and wonder,
A truth filled with love and with caring,
A truth with a voice loud as thunder,
A truth with a message worth sharing.
For you, my love, filled all my dreams,
Of a life I thought never could be.
Now with you at my side, I'm contented;
For my dreaming came true, don't you see?
I never gave up on my dreaming,
I persisted because I just knew,
A wait for real love is worth waiting,
Now you're here, and my dreams have come true.

I want to share my life with you

I want to share my life with you
The good, the bad, and the ugly too.
Share every dream, share every day
For as long as we live and breath, OK?
There's no one else that could compare with you-ever
Now that we've met, no one else will do!
I love you with a love that is pure and true
And I know that our love will get us through (anything).
You are like the sunshine on a cold dark day
Your love warms me with its tender rays
You have the strength of a majestic oak tree
And your love calms me like the deep blue sea.
I want to be with you forever...you belong to me-only
To share our joys, our sorrows and raise a family.
No one else could ever take your place
Now that we've met and I've gazed upon your face.
Promise me that you'll be mine forever and
I'll let you lead the way.
I'll follow you where ever you go and
Live to love you every day.
You see I'm in this for the long haul
I know that we can see this through
Because anything is possible
With Heavenly Father, me and you.
I know He sent you and that
He saved you for me, knowing that I deserve the best and
Because you are that amazing, super wonderful man
That stands out from all the rest.
I've never felt this way before
It's only you I'll always adore
If you tell me, I'll be yours for ever
And ever more.
You can be my king and I'll be your queen
Together we can do anything.
Just take my hand and let's be a "we"
You are the best thing by far, that's ever happened to me.
Someday as we look back on all the pain and strife
It will be worth it-all the hardships in life.
Because we have each other, happiness that money can't buy
An eternal love, as endless as the sky.

I love you, only you

No one else will do

And so I pledge my heart to you

When I'm with you

The world fades away

So I'll wait patiently until the day

When your true love you do declare

Until then,just know that I am here

To lift you, love you

And share my heart

For now I think that's a pretty good start!

Thank you

I once thought that no one cared,

I once believed that no one was there.
Then you came along.

You took me under your wing,

Gave me wings and made me fly.

You made it so I didn't cry.

You showed me that you care,

You believed in me,

And saw what no one else saw.

To my true love

I've waited a lifetime for you
I've searched the whole world over
Looking for your love
Some days I never thought I'd find you

And I wanted to give up
So many other faces, so many wrong embraces
Trying to find one heart that felt like home to me

None of them could ever compare to you love
You are my strength, my joy
You give me comfort from the storm
You make me smile on cloudy days
You keep me safe and warm.

I would be so lost without you
Your love is so pure and true
Your heart, so beautiful and kind
Because you've walked that long, lonely road
That made you who you are (mine!)

I know it's been a hard long journey
And it may get harder still
But together we can lift each other
Our strength will get us through
I'll never give up; I'll never give in
As long as I have you

When I look into your eyes
I know that love is real
When you hold me in your arms love,
Nothing else compares
Let me lay here with you forever
And gaze at your beautiful face
And dream of our life together
Lost in your embrace.

A kiss

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech

when words become superfluous....

at least our kisses are this way.

Loving You

Loving you
It's like feeling soft rain
Fall on my face

Loving you
It's the comfort of my
Heart

Loving you
Makes me laugh and smile at the same time
It makes my heart warm, it gives me life

Loving you
It's all very new to me
It's very good

Loving you
To feel your hand in mine
To feel your breath slide along the side of my cheek
To feel your heart pounding beneath my ear
As I rest my head upon your chest

Loving You
So many words to describe it
Yet so few

Loving You
I want to take care of you
As you take care of me
I want to hear your troubles and your joys
I want to encourage you
As you choose to follow life

Loving You
It is an honor to be trusted so
With your deepest, darkest worries
Secrets
With your most heartfelt dreams

Loving You
Sharing little moments with you
Looking into one another's hearts
Reading each other's souls
Loving Me

Loving You
It is such a rarity to find
It is such a blessing to do
It is such an inspiration
It is such a dream come true

Loving You
It is not sheer perfection
Despite what you may want to hear
It is love, It is right
No matter what you may do
Or how upset we may get
Our love will win
It will bring us back

Loving You
Needing you
Wanting you
You, you

Loving You

With you...Always & Forever

With you I only cry tears of happiness

My soul feels completely at ease

My heart flutters when you say my name

You show me what I've been missing all my life.

A perfect companion

A spark that will last longer than just one night

The other half I've needed to complete me

I've waited too long to feel this way

To feel loved and needed

And now I'm devoted to only you

Even if my heart seems a little afraid

I'm ready to risk it all and do whatever I got to do

To keep pulling you my way

The connection between us is such a strong one

Too deep to ignore and too precious to let go

I have found my rock,

I've found the place where I truly belong.

When I Miss You

No matter where you are

You'll always be with me

You're in my heart

And all of my memories

Though we're far apart

I'm always thinking of you

Wondering how you're doing

My mind is linked to your heart

We went our separate ways

With saddened good-byes

It was hard to let you go

Tears fell for days

No matter where you are

You'll always be with me

You're in my heart

And all of my memories

Sometimes I hear your name

Catch a glimpse of your face

But no matter how hard I try

It'll never be the same

You used to come to me at night

In my dreams while I slept

You are never far away

That's how I know I'll be alright

No matter where you are

You'll always be with me

You're in my heart

And all of my memories

Always with me.....Always with me.....

With You

With you, I feel different.

With you, I feel special.

With you, I feel whole.

With you, I feel complete.

With you, I actually feel like a person.

With you, I am happy.

With you, I am strong.

And with you, I feel invincible.

Without

A night without you is a starless sky.

A kiss without your lips is living a lie.

A day without your smile is a complicated goodbye,

And my heart without your love is nothing, I'd die.

First Poem I Wrote For Jason

You make me smile

You make me laugh

You say I'm beautiful

Even though I think I'm fat.

You give me compliments

And always give me advice

You're always there for me

I've never had to ask twice.

You're my best friend

My own teddy bear

Your friendship is priceless

I don't want to share.

We say we're only friends

Even though I think it's more

You' re the only one I know

Who'd stay up and talk til four.

You've made such a difference

You make me happy inside

I never want to lose you

I'm keeping you by my side.

I think you're cute

And sweet as can be

You know how to touch my heart

And you unconditionally love me.