Not

Not is such a strong word

it's almost like over

it's worse than done

it cuts like a knife

it burns to my core

Not

It's like you can't

you won't

you don't and that's even worse

Not

I wish it wasn't in my vocabulary.

I almost can't handle it...especially coming from you.

Now I know how you felt when you heard it from me.

Me

Life is coming together slowly but surely
I should have expected bumps
I should have expected mountains
Sometimes I can get carried away
I forget about everyone else
I used to be so very loud
But now I'm learning to be quiet
I enjoy my time alone
I enjoy precious moments
I enjoy a beautiful day
I cherish time with my daughter
I think I might think of myself as a woman now....
And that thought is scary

Looking Deep

There comes a time when you have to step back.

You realize it's not everyone else in the world that matters,

but it's yourself that needs work.

Rest and relaxation, peace and tranquility,

being at peace with yourself, spending time alone.

Processing your thoughts,

putting your life back together piece by piece and bit by bit.

No one can do it for you, no one can fix it all.

It's all me.

I need to do better.

I need to be more positive.

I need my life back

....now.

Soul-searching

Doing a little soul-searching
finding a little bad
focusing on the good in life
and changing all I had

Trying to be more positive
striving to be kind
letting the little things go
and leaving them far behind

Yesterday's already gone
and tomorrow's almost here
today is going by really fast
and you never know what's near

My glass used to be half-empty
and now it's half full again
I used to live for days and nights
but now it's the moments and times I had.

A chance to rest

Life has been crazy

And sometimes my shoulders are heavy

The world, crashes down

And I can't be steady

Sometimes I cry

I want to scream

Sometimes I write

But mostly I dream

I want to run away

To a beautiful place

A really peaceful haven

With no one in my face

I want things to be better

I want less stress

I need a sunny day

And a chance to rest

I want to be home

I want to be home

I want to watch you grow

watch you learn and teach you more.

When I'm at work

my heart is at home

I worry if you are missing me

or feeling alone.

I miss your eyes and smile

your "pooh" bear and sippy too

I even miss changing you

when you have an accident too.

I love reading to you

and teaching you letters and numbers,

shapes and colors,

body parts and bible sotries.

We paint our "pretties"

and color pictures,

sing our favorite songs,

and laugh so silly.

If i have the chance

I'm going to be home more.

I want to be the one to

take care of you more.

Emmy's Bday Poem

Where has the time gone

It seems like yesterday

When I first held you in my arms.

All the bottles, pacifiers, and blankets are gone.

Hopefully, diapers will be quick to follow.

I've watched you grow from tiny to small-

first you held your head up, crawled, pulled up, then walked.

Now you run everywhere

with no time to rest.

You constantly learn and speak more each day.

We couldn't have picked a better name

Emmy it fits.

You're about to turn two

and this mommy isn't ready.

Not ready for complete potty-trained,

preschool or friends

Not ready for full sentences

or evening activities.

But the time is here

And I'm about to face it all.

And then I remember....

Emmy's still pretty small.

Walking Through Life

As we walk through life
so many things change
Our lives take on new meanings
And the path looks so strange

It twists and turns
There's bumps and ridges
There are mountains to climb, water to cross
And not many bridges

You do things you never thought you'd do
And say things you never thought you'd say

But there's one thing through all this that always stays the same
Our wonderful God who created everything big and small
Who loves us unconditionally and saves us from hell and shame

I Need You In Every Way

You are a breath of fresh air

From the stress

From the busyness

Life is sometimes so unfair

You help pick up the pieces

And put me back together

You carry me through the flames

As if I were light as a feather

If I can't breathe or get the words out

You speak to my heart

Answer my prayers

And take away my doubt

You prove your power and grace

Every single Day

I love you, Praise and Worship you

And need you in every way.

Thoughts

Yesterday is gone

Today not far behind

All become one

In the pages of our mind

Life is but a moment

Written in the book of time

If we could only stop it

If life would only rhyme

Loving is a dream

A gentle, sweet caress

But it is what it seems

Is it more....or less?

By: My mom
Diane Jennings

The Flower

A beautiful thing is the flower.

A wonder to behold.

The many colors did nature shower,

It's petals to unfold.

In cool of morn, it's buds unfurl,

In promise of beauty foretold,

Blossoms open to tell the world,

Of exotic perfumes untold.

In dark of night on breezes waft.

The scents of time immortal.
Fragrances that drift so soft,

Through window, door, and portal.

By: My mom

Diane Jennings

5-24-84

Friends or lovers.
Which will last longest,
In the end,
One must be strongest.

By: My mom
Diane Jennings

Mysteries

Years...gone in moments.

Seconds that seem like years.

Life...gone in one last breath.

Birth....a joyous beginning.

Dim light, but is it dawn or dusk?

Darkness, but somewhere there is light.

Sunlight, but darkness waits to take over.

Stars....how many?

Can they even be counted?

Footprints, no one in sight.

Who has gone before?

Alone, or do the shadows move?

Love or hate, who can tell?

Alive, but for how long?

Dead, but does death last forever?

Words on paper, will anyone ever read them?

Eternity, how long does it last?

Such are the mysteries of life.

By: My mom, Diane Jennings

Beauty

Your lips, your eyes, your soul

Are like a work of art,

The most creative thing of all

Is your beautiful heart.

If you were a painting,

No colors could express

The beauty deep inside you,

A rainbow, nothing less.

If you were a sculpture

The clay could hardly make

Your figure of an angel

Without one mistake.

If you were a euphony

No choir could really sing

All the beautiful music

Your eyes could possibly bring.

So here I am, and artist,

With inspiration beyond belief

But to capture such rare beauty,

I'd have to be a thief.

"I hope this is completely true to you, because it is tue of your love to me"

Are you afraid of love?

Or are you just afraid of my love?

Please do not be frightened.

My love will not choke or bind you in any way.

It will bring you warmth when you are cold.

And companionship when you are lonely.

My love will bring smiles to brighten all your days

And understanding when you are sad.

It will not obligate you to come see me every day

Or to call me every night.

My love will give you all these things,

Asking only

That wherever you go

And whatever you do,

You will hold me in your heart-

Knowing that when you return,

I will be here, only to make you happy.

Grace that love gives

If I could live my life again,

Then, I would

Erase the pain and stain of sin

If I could.

I never knew

A man like you

Was waiting somewhere just for me.

Now the strength of your love,

Your true and pure love

Can set me free.

I didn't know

God loved me so;

I never dreamed, I never knew

That He had planned a man like you

For me to love.

I promise

I promise to give you the best of myself

and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to respect you as your own person

and to realize that your interests, desires and needs

are no less important than my own.

I promise to share with you my time and my

attention and to bring joy, strength, and imagination

to our relationship.

I promise to keep myself open to you,

to let you see through the window of my world

into my innermost fears and feelings,

secrets and dreams.

I promise to grow along with you,

to be willing to face changes in order to keep our

relationship alive and exciting.

I promise to love you in good times and bad,

with all I have to give and all I feel inside

in the only way I know how,

completely and forever.

The Dreamer

I am a dreamer,
a dreamer is all I can be.
I dream of so many things,
dreams that I wish were reality.

As I lay myself at night to sleep,
I pray to God the memories I keep.
As I gently close my eyes and relax,
I wish that I would dream of you.

I dream of you in so many ways,
a dream so beautiful, so real...
your arms around me while we kiss,
the feeling of true love with such bliss.

As I kept dreaming, I prayed....
"Lord, please make him mine someday!"
and as I kiss in my dream, my man said,
"I am yours.... and always will be!"

I woke up with tears in my eyes,
knowing it was all a dream.
As I turned to my right to wipe my tears, I smiled,
my heart just leaped and almost went wild.

Right next to me is an angel,
an angel in my dreams was my man.
The man I have longed, prayed, dreamed, and cried for,
the angel that I will love forevermore!

LOVE

Love is like the seeds of life,

To root is full of pain and strife.

But to grow it's like a great Oak tree,

Straight and strong for eternity.

Love is what I offer you,

Steadfast, calm, and oh, so true!

Love is life between two who shares,

A life between two who really cares.

Love is ours, if you agree,

To spend your life with me!

Just one wish

If I could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everyday

to the sound of your breath on my neck,

the warmth of your lips on my cheek,

the touch of your fingers on my skin,

and the feel of your heart beating with mine....

Knowing that I could never find that feeling

with anyone other than you.